November's Intention | On Being More Assertive

I've been thinking long and hard about my goals for November - as we're approaching the end of the year (eek!) I've been feeling a bit more reflective and have been thinking about changes I'd like to make. I've decided not to do the usual list as I often end up spreading myself too thinly and although things like 'drink more water' are of course beneficial in their own ways, I think there are individual intentions that I should work towards that will be better for me in the long run. I don't think self-care is always bath bombs and fluffy socks, for me the best thing I can do for myself sometimes is to confront uncomfortable truths. This month, I want to focus on being more assertive.

I've no problem with confrontation, in fact I'm sure there are some people who would probably see me as argumentative - I'll happily stand up for a cause I believe in, I was reading old reports from primary school and they all say that I always stuck up for the underdog (go 7 year old me tbh!) So why is it, when it comes to sticking up for myself I tend to keep quiet?

I hand on heart believe that the way someone treats you is more of a reflection of other shit they've got going on in their life rather than anything to do with you - hurt people hurt people etc. However I think I've taken this idea too far in order to protect myself. It's meant I've let people get away with behaviours that aren't really acceptable and have suffered in silence because I've not put any fault on them. On the flip side I suspect that on other occasions I've not really acknowledged the hurt I might have caused someone because I've blamed it on other events that's been going on. In that vein I'm going to make more of an effort regarding that. It can be a hard pill to swallow but if I've hurt someone even unconsciously I have to accept it as I don't get to decide whether someone is hurt by my actions or not. I don't necessarily believe that a lot of people are 'toxic', I think it's a strong word that gets thrown around too easily. We're all human, we make mistakes and there are often reasons for the way someone acts. However, saying that they're not excuses and sometimes people do need to be called out about it. 

So I'm hoping that by speaking up when someone has done something hurtful to me that it'll get resolved and if not at least I've had my say. I'm not talking about offhand comments or the occasional snappy mood, more like actions and words by individuals that consistently bring me down. I need to stop worrying about people's feelings when they have little regard for mine, whether they do it purposefully or not. It's fine to speak up if someone continuously lowers your self esteem just so they can temporarily boost theirs. Other times I'm pretty sure there's nothing in it and I'm just overthinking (who else has been there, done that?) But I hope it'll lead to dealing with things in an adult way rather than drama and resolving unspoken feelings on both sides, which is the main reason I'm focusing on it. And also, my mama is always telling me to be more assertive and she's always right (just don't tell her haha!) 

What are your intentions for November? 

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