Showing posts with label Mental Health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mental Health. Show all posts

November's Intention | On Being More Assertive

I've been thinking long and hard about my goals for November - as we're approaching the end of the year (eek!) I've been feeling a bit more reflective and have been thinking about changes I'd like to make. I've decided not to do the usual list as I often end up spreading myself too thinly and although things like 'drink more water' are of course beneficial in their own ways, I think there are individual intentions that I should work towards that will be better for me in the long run. I don't think self-care is always bath bombs and fluffy socks, for me the best thing I can do for myself sometimes is to confront uncomfortable truths. This month, I want to focus on being more assertive.

I've no problem with confrontation, in fact I'm sure there are some people who would probably see me as argumentative - I'll happily stand up for a cause I believe in, I was reading old reports from primary school and they all say that I always stuck up for the underdog (go 7 year old me tbh!) So why is it, when it comes to sticking up for myself I tend to keep quiet?

I hand on heart believe that the way someone treats you is more of a reflection of other shit they've got going on in their life rather than anything to do with you - hurt people hurt people etc. However I think I've taken this idea too far in order to protect myself. It's meant I've let people get away with behaviours that aren't really acceptable and have suffered in silence because I've not put any fault on them. On the flip side I suspect that on other occasions I've not really acknowledged the hurt I might have caused someone because I've blamed it on other events that's been going on. In that vein I'm going to make more of an effort regarding that. It can be a hard pill to swallow but if I've hurt someone even unconsciously I have to accept it as I don't get to decide whether someone is hurt by my actions or not. I don't necessarily believe that a lot of people are 'toxic', I think it's a strong word that gets thrown around too easily. We're all human, we make mistakes and there are often reasons for the way someone acts. However, saying that they're not excuses and sometimes people do need to be called out about it. 

So I'm hoping that by speaking up when someone has done something hurtful to me that it'll get resolved and if not at least I've had my say. I'm not talking about offhand comments or the occasional snappy mood, more like actions and words by individuals that consistently bring me down. I need to stop worrying about people's feelings when they have little regard for mine, whether they do it purposefully or not. It's fine to speak up if someone continuously lowers your self esteem just so they can temporarily boost theirs. Other times I'm pretty sure there's nothing in it and I'm just overthinking (who else has been there, done that?) But I hope it'll lead to dealing with things in an adult way rather than drama and resolving unspoken feelings on both sides, which is the main reason I'm focusing on it. And also, my mama is always telling me to be more assertive and she's always right (just don't tell her haha!) 

What are your intentions for November? 

The Sunday Natter | On Difficult Friendships

It's been a funny old week - a health scare for someone I love very much perhaps made tensions high so behaviours from others that I'd usually ignore or make excuses for haven't been as tolerated as readily. I feel like sometimes I choose to not say anthing to keep the peace but this isn't always good because I don't want to be someone's proverbial punching bag or ego boost. When people do this I know they're only trying to bring me down a peg or two to make themselves feel better, so the problem lies totally with them. I know I for one don't feel like being very kind if I'm not feeling happy myself, which is really silly but human nature in a way. But I don't think that makes it ok.

I don't know if it's because I've been extra sensitive lately - to be honest having to go back on IVs for the first time since transplant shook me up a bit, when I was in hospital it meant I missed my exam and the last couple of weeks of my first year at uni and it's also super close to my two year transplant anniversary so that's been bringing up a lot of teary feelings too. So I've probably been taking little comments people have said to heart more than I might usually do, which I'm bearing in mind.

But the good news is I finally got to see a counseller at my transplant hospital after a year and a half of trying - perserverance pays off, friends. They originally sent someone to see me when I was in hospital but they came literally as I was high AF after my bronch. They asked what was bothering me but because I was quite off my head I was a bit like 'You mean in life? No, no, I'm mad fer it!' So they left me to it and sent someone else a few days later. At first I felt mega stupid and whiney, I was cringing so hard at myself but the person was so lovely and understanding I reckon I might actually get somewhere. They said the main thing I have to work on is being kinder to myself, I can be quite self critical even down the point where I blame myself for having a difficult recovery after transplant which is ridic because none of that was my fault at all.

So I think it will be helpful to sometimes maybe call someone out if they're saying something that's unkind towards me or to cut ties with people who don't really have anything nice to say to or about me. One big thing I've noticed is that silence speaks volumes and if your pals aren't celebrating your successes then they're not your people at all. Friends should call each other out when someone is being a dick and they should be able to take the piss but equally uplift and support one another and make each other feel like their best selves. I'm so lucky to have so many amazing people in my life who do just that that I'm even able to recognise when someone isn't and see it as being rather odd, but it doesn't make it less hurtful. Like I said, it generally says more about them than you but that doesn't mean it's something you have to tolerate - sometimes you have to put your own wellbeing first!

I'm worried this post totally comes off as a bit 'high-school' but navigating friendships can be tricky, particularly as an adult because our time becomes much more limited. But I guess this means it's all the more reason to hold on to special people as life gets stressier and to maybe cut off sources of negativity and unnecessary anxieties.

We get told so much to know our worth when it comes to romantic relationships but I think it should be applicable to platonic friendships too, as they can be just as intense! Make sure to surround yourself with the good eggs. 

The Time Is Now

Hello, hello. I'd say something like long time no speak but in the grand scheme of things I guess it's not been too long at all. 

But how are ya? You good? I'm alright, I am now anyway. I wasn't for a little bit but I'm in such a happy mood currently and I'm feeling much more like my old self. I thought it'd be nice (and also a way to save £££ on therapy) to get the *feelings* down, even though God knows if anyone still reads an old fashioned blog these days. However I felt like this was only marginally less embarrassing than having a breakdown on YouTube...

Uni: Week 5

This week has been all werkwerkwerk. Kinda forgot about all the essays and presentations I'd have to be doing when I got here hahaha. I have Reading Week soon so I have a week to get as much stuff done as possible because I really don't fancy spending my week at home working because time spent with family and friends and Freddydog is something I'm definitely not going to compromise on! Alas I have decided to get ill again this weekend, which is just brill.

An Honest Chat About Mental Health After Transplant

So yesterday I had a meltdown of epic proportions that would shame herself (or make her proud, I'm not quite sure actually.) The irony of getting upset about being ill making you even more ill so you end up in a ridiculous circle! Transplant doesn't magic away all of your problems, I still have CF so have some of the same issues and am now faced with new ones too. Of course life has improved so much, I'm so grateful to be able to do more and have this extra time so I think some people may read this and think I'm being so bratty! But I think it's important to talk about, so I will.

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