Showing posts with label The Sunday Natter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Sunday Natter. Show all posts

The Sunday Natter | On Difficult Friendships





It's been a funny old week - a health scare for someone I love very much perhaps made tensions high so behaviours from others that I'd usually ignore or make excuses for haven't been as tolerated as readily. I feel like sometimes I choose to not say anthing to keep the peace but this isn't always good because I don't want to be someone's proverbial punching bag or ego boost. When people do this I know they're only trying to bring me down a peg or two to make themselves feel better, so the problem lies totally with them. I know I for one don't feel like being very kind if I'm not feeling happy myself, which is really silly but human nature in a way. But I don't think that makes it ok.

I don't know if it's because I've been extra sensitive lately - to be honest having to go back on IVs for the first time since transplant shook me up a bit, when I was in hospital it meant I missed my exam and the last couple of weeks of my first year at uni and it's also super close to my two year transplant anniversary so that's been bringing up a lot of teary feelings too. So I've probably been taking little comments people have said to heart more than I might usually do, which I'm bearing in mind.

But the good news is I finally got to see a counseller at my transplant hospital after a year and a half of trying - perserverance pays off, friends. They originally sent someone to see me when I was in hospital but they came literally as I was high AF after my bronch. They asked what was bothering me but because I was quite off my head I was a bit like 'You mean in life? No, no, I'm mad fer it!' So they left me to it and sent someone else a few days later. At first I felt mega stupid and whiney, I was cringing so hard at myself but the person was so lovely and understanding I reckon I might actually get somewhere. They said the main thing I have to work on is being kinder to myself, I can be quite self critical even down the point where I blame myself for having a difficult recovery after transplant which is ridic because none of that was my fault at all.

So I think it will be helpful to sometimes maybe call someone out if they're saying something that's unkind towards me or to cut ties with people who don't really have anything nice to say to or about me. One big thing I've noticed is that silence speaks volumes and if your pals aren't celebrating your successes then they're not your people at all. Friends should call each other out when someone is being a dick and they should be able to take the piss but equally uplift and support one another and make each other feel like their best selves. I'm so lucky to have so many amazing people in my life who do just that that I'm even able to recognise when someone isn't and see it as being rather odd, but it doesn't make it less hurtful. Like I said, it generally says more about them than you but that doesn't mean it's something you have to tolerate - sometimes you have to put your own wellbeing first!

I'm worried this post totally comes off as a bit 'high-school' but navigating friendships can be tricky, particularly as an adult because our time becomes much more limited. But I guess this means it's all the more reason to hold on to special people as life gets stressier and to maybe cut off sources of negativity and unnecessary anxieties.

We get told so much to know our worth when it comes to romantic relationships but I think it should be applicable to platonic friendships too, as they can be just as intense! Make sure to surround yourself with the good eggs. 



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